Episode 4: "Overton Window"

JM: )c: is how I feel about this episode.

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JM: Yes, Bobby. I said it.

DS: Wow okay this season has not been what we were expecting when we decided to do this food review column. The first two episodes were lit but this last one was the Yom Kippur of TV. No food. Compelling though. Can we talk about that Gluten Free muffin or whatever?

JM: Yeah...there’s a lot more not-eating than eating, and this gluten free muffin is proof. Obviously no one ate that god damn muffin. It probably tastes like cardboard. In fact, maybe that’s the point. Investment banking turns you into a power-hungry robot that likes to eat cardboard. No more Salt Bae. No more Wylie Dufresne. No more David Chang. All we have this season are uneaten breakfasts...which meanwhile is incredibly ironic considering they definitely made Paul Giamatti gain weight for this season to subtly imply he’s “off his game” even though his “game” has always included a cumbersome beer belly. I often find myself thinking about it when I imagine what he and Wendy’s sex is like (when she’s not electrocuting him with a cattle prod).

DS: I wonder what’s going on….I am also doing my taxes right now and yikes. Also didn’t notice Giamatti’s weight gain...

JM: Does doing your taxes make you want to eat gluten free muffins? Maybe Billions is trying to create experiential trauma so this is just the purge half of the season and then the second half will be filled with carrot tartare binges and Veuve Clicquot enemas. All we got this episode was the saddest glass of celebratory champagne ever enjoyed in the history of man, and an actual verbal beat-down from Wendy which wasn’t as hot as one might hope.

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JM: Also...think you’re gonna get a good refund this year? My accountant ominously told me he had good news for me but I was supposed to receive it five days ago and Mercury isn’t in retrograde anymore so maybe there was no good news at all and this is just another trick that Jewish God is playing on me.

DS: I um… didn’t get a return… I actually got pretty screwed over with this whole Trump tax 1099 thing. I wish I could call Chuck right about now to call in a favor…meet him at a smoked fish restaurant and intimidate him, promise him a meeting with the ambassador of Dubai or some shit.... If any of our readers know how to make Dish Rag Magazine into an elaborate tax write-off let me know.

JM: Speaking of elaborate write-offs, that’s kind of what we’re doing right now. Elaborately writing-off this episode of Billions. Maybe one of the writers is going through a divorce...would explain the unsettling dynamics they’re establishing this season. Like...honestly, nothing makes me want to throw up more than when Chuck calls Axe “Bob,” and only a man going through a nasty divorce would use brotherly scotch bonding as the sole form of catharsis in an episode. Also I can't stand that I know this “fancy” bar cart that Chuck stands next to regally is…from West Elm.

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DS: This bromance was charming for literally three minutes but now I am bored. Like, Chuck REALLY wanted to fuck up Axe’s life…and now they are conspiring together? I feel like Chuck needs a new nemesis, and hopefully we’ll get one with his electoral win riding on the coattails of an anti-kink shaming movement…

JM: Well, here’s what I have to say to YOU Chuck Rhoades: you do your job better when your wife flagellates you in a very sexy pleather outfit, and we do our jobs better when you actually go out to fucking restaurants and eat nice food. Same goes to you, Axe. Please stop letting us down.

With lukewarm regards,
Dish Rag Magazine